my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
