i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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