why didn't you poke me back
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she looked like the before picture.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
