You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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