no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
