We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
