maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
