happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
