she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
