I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
