Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
