I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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