i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
