i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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