i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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