I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Two words: blizzard sex
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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