i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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