He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
