i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
