you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
