the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
