why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
worst night to have a conscience
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
