school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
