I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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