my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
