He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
