This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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