Don't make out with my wife yet
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
