You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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