So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
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so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
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I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize