Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
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Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
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Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.