My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
