I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.