apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
