apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.