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• (804): View more from Virginia

  You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.

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• (949): View more from California

  I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful

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• (914): View more from New York

  so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.

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• 

  25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.

  (817): View more from Texas

  You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.

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• (818): View more from California

  That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.

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• 

  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (979): View more from Texas

  A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.

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• (510): View more from California

  You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  They were assless. I wore assless football pants.

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