I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
