So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread