Texts From Last Night

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  (208): View more from Idaho

  i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?

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  (208): i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good? http://tfl.nu/cjn1
  Replies (4) Good night (4268) Bad night (964)
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  (562): View more from California

  about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck

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  (562): about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck http://tfl.nu/779f
  Replies (33) Good night (1173) Bad night (7570)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.

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  (732): There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish. http://tfl.nu/b1hn
  Replies (20) Good night (11767) Bad night (1288)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.

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  (918): no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh. http://tfl.nu/6iss
  Replies (10) Good night (1071) Bad night (3963)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party

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  (812): You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party http://tfl.nu/gmt6
  Replies (10) Good night (6076) Bad night (1513)
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  (323): View more from California

  Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.

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  (323): Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy. http://tfl.nu/58l0
  Replies (6) Good night (3663) Bad night (927)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.

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  (765): I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night. http://tfl.nu/jw9u
  Replies (17) Good night (963) Bad night (4369)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.

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  (506): Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes. http://tfl.nu/7d2r
  Replies (2) Good night (1944) Bad night (699)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.

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  (304): As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj. http://tfl.nu/nu7q
  Replies (16) Good night (2670) Bad night (770)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath

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  (807): Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath http://tfl.nu/x0dh
  Replies (7) Good night (2742) Bad night (677)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.

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  (479): My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day. http://tfl.nu/2m2t
  Replies (13) Good night (2812) Bad night (770)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Coming to you live from the floor of my office..

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  (919): Coming to you live from the floor of my office.. http://tfl.nu/0ate
  Replies (2) Good night (1445) Bad night (607)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.

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  (941): Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants. http://tfl.nu/rame
  Replies (31) Good night (1366) Bad night (575)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.

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  (404): As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection. http://tfl.nu/m3hm
  Replies (2) Good night (464) Bad night (317)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.

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  (505): We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins. http://tfl.nu/bswz
  Replies (0) Good night (512) Bad night (349)

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