No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao