I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
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If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
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my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.