This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
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Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
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Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?