Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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