I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
