need another drink. this is the easiest way
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
