My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
