i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
