as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
