Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
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he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
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He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize