OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
