My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
