I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
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His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
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Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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