He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
