Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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