you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
