i don't plan on having that self control this summer
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
