Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
