The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
