apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
