he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
