giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
