is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
