If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
