two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
