I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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