Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
