dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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