woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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