he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
