Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
