Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
did i walk over a car last night?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
