I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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