Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
