Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
