if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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