In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
