nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
