I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
