There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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