Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Randomize
