We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
