Plan B is the new Plan A
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
