y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize