Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
