i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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