drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We talked him into tasing himself.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
