Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
