so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
