Pappa wants mamma naked
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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