So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
