I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
