things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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