im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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