Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
