Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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